Sometimes I Just Don’t Know What To Think Or Do

April 5, 2010

OK, that header probably sounds more serious than it should. I’m just at work, doing nothing. There’s nobody in the office right now but usually there are 2 or 3 people around and I feel weird because I have nothing to do. It’s only quiet like this because it’s spring vacation.

Oh, phone just rang. All I ever say on the phone:  ‘Joanna desu’ , ‘Hai’ ‘Gomenasai’ , ‘Uuuuum’ , ‘Iie!’ , ‘Aaaaahhhh’. So professional…

When it gets quiet like this I start doubting my own existence. I forget what time it is and how old I am and what I’m doing and where I’m going. And rather than doing anything useful to combat these feelings I space out/go on long blog reading sprees/listen to my silly internal voices which say things like “Wow, you totally suck at everything.”/draw/drink lots of coffee/read The Guardian.

Went for a walk a little earlier to get some fresh air.  It’s so grey outside and I can’t see the horizon or any hills or anything, just telegraph wires and konbinis and boxy little blocks of flats. Not that I especially mind these things, I’m kindof fascinated by Japan’s architecture really but occasionally it makes me feel like I’m just a little counter on some massive board game called Suburban Japan. You know like that Twilight Zone episode where the man and the woman end up in some weird town and it turns out it’s an alien child’s playset or something?? Oh, here we go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stopover_in_a_Quiet_Town

Spent the weekend mostly looking at cherry blossom trees which made me happy but for some reason, also made me sad. I’ll try to write about why and post some pictures later today.

I’m really excited about going to Kings of Convenience tomorrow! I even started sketching possible outfits! OK, so I know I probably won’t meet them (and if I did why would my outfit even matter?!).  a) They probably won’t even venture out of the backstage area b) If they do they’ll instantly be accosted by other fans and there is no way I would enter any kind of queue or crowd to get to them and c) If I did meet them I wouldn’t know what to say and I’d get all embarrassed and mangle my Norwegian when I tried to speak to them.

I remember buying their EP in Platekompaniet when I was like..16 or something and sitting on the floor leaning on my desk listening to it. I know it sounds lame but it felt like musical relief.  I’d just had some pretty bad times school-wise and it felt like special magical people playing music to comfort poor little 16 year old me. Their music still has that sortof effect on me. When I’m feeling really tired and just..done, I’ll often listen to one of their albums. They make me feel a little sad but also like it’s OK to be sad.

Anyway..sorry to anyone reading this, I’m done sharing now!

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